mini meltdowns

February 9, 2010

I have a lot when I’m hormonal.

I cried this weekend more than once. Over, for the most part, pretty trivial things.

I think it’s that the stress of everything is getting to me and it forces itself out in little ways.

I take on projects, and when they don’t wind up perfect, I get discouraged with myself at least and at most disgusted. I keep hoping I can finish one of these things in a way that makes me feel better. They don’t. I don’t think they can.

Do I give up the idea of them, because they may be frustrating me more? Or do I keep doing them in the hopes of the cathartic experience I seek?


chop chop

February 4, 2010

Cooking and baking makes me feel productive.

Sometimes I take too much and I get overwhelmed. Still, I love the end, where I pull the lasagna out of the oven, or slide the cookies on to the cooling rack. There’s something soothing about the senses being consumed by a task. The smells and aromas, the sights and colors, the tasting and seasoning, touching and tossing, even listening to the knife on the board, the sizzle of the pan delights me.

I love when I can wow someone with one of my dishes, or surprise them with a little treat. I eagerly seek out new recipes or retool ones I have already tried. I wish I knew better how to work with this enthusiasm, but I suppose a catering business or a chocolate shop or bakery is a lofty idea.


Denied

February 3, 2010

Workers comp has denied the surgery.

He’s shattered and upset. I am angry and frustrated.

I hate that I can’t fix it, no matter how badly I want to.


January 30, 2010

Perhaps he thought I was being noble about today’s original plans. He was waiting for me to ask something, but I truly thought, well, if we can’t do it together, he should at least go by himself. I guess maybe he thought that was weird, or selfish.

Part of me needs a little more pampering. I guess that makes me spoiled. But I know, if I can’t have it, I’ll live. By the same token, I like to treat others to special things.

As of right now, we have no plans. We decided it would be date night a few weeks ago. That we should make an effort to have one a month. We’ve gone out already, so I suppose I can’t complain. I think we mostly did this because if the surgery does happen next week, it will be a while before he’s up for it again.

I don’t know if this places undue pressure on him. It is often the guy’s responsibility to pick the event, the restaurant, come up with the plans. I don’t mind doing it, but I sometimes wonder if we’re both too easygoing about it. Often, we offer to leave it up to the other, because we don’t have enough of a preference or because we don’t want to decide for the other.

I just like getting dolled up and spending some time with him. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, expensive or excessive. Just a night out. Just a date.


random remarks (friday edition)

January 29, 2010

In the past these were always posted on Thursday, but as usual lately, I am a day behind.

- A girl I went to high school with was killed last week. I did not know her well, but I am sad for her family.

- My parents are not my children. It will not be my fault if they lose their home, though I will blame myself nonetheless.

- I am reaching the breaking point with my work, and hopefully it won’t all come to a head at Tuesday’s monthly staff meeting.

- I wish we knew if the surgery was approved yet.

- I wish I could decide on what to do for date night tomorrow.


aggravation

January 27, 2010

I am frustrated by my colleagues.

I am hoping he calls the doc about the libido issue.

I am upset at my parents’ cavalier attitude about their financial situation.

I am going to vent it here and try to let it go for the night.


pleasurists # 62

January 27, 2010


via MUSE

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #61? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #63? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then you can use our submission form and submit it before Sunday January 31st at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Looking for something other than reviews?
e[lust] #5

Editor’s Pick

  • Fun Factory Flexi Felix by Dr. Ruthie
  • Note: I really enjoy Dr. Ruthie’s reviews and also think she is absolutely adorable. I think this one is wonderful, especially as an anal review since she talks a lot about uses of anal beads as well as safety and the toy itself. There is also a written component to this review if you click on the link above.

Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books

Adult Movies/Porn

Sex Furniture

Storage

Miscellaneous


January 26, 2010

He says he doesn’t feel like himself.

I think we’re both dealing with a bit of depression. Perhaps it’s seasonal, perhaps it’s situational. There’s a lot of physical stress he’s dealing with, and we’re both caught in the emotional side of it.

I feel a bit lost, and so it’s hard for me to be there for him. I wonder if I feel a bit lost because he isn’t quite himself.

I pray that the workman’s comp approves his surgery. I want to see him out of pain. I know it’s a long road to healed, but at least it would be progress.


Guest post – Menthol

January 25, 2010

Often the boyfriend amuses me with what he has to say, what he thinks. This is no exception.

Now and then I can’t help but ask the question… “What the fuck?!?!” So, here’s my favorite: What the fuck is menthol? Is it a plant that someone boiled down to a syrup then kept boiling down until it was nuclear waste? Is it a mineral that some crazy scientist discovered and then cross bred it with an extinct animal?

I don’t know what it is but I do know what it does… it makes EVERYTHING more powerful. You put it in chest rub and it makes your cold go away faster. Put it in a lozenge and it makes your sore throat go away… faster. Put it in a cigarette and it kills you faster. Rub it on your sore shoulder and it makes your eyes water… more.

To be honest I think it made its début here on earth back in 1947 at Roswell, NM. It’s the only thing our scientists have been able to replicate from the alien space craft. It’s what they used for fuel for their interplanetary-faster than light-travel. Either that or it’s just alien jiz and the aliens are up there having a good laugh at our expense. Whatever… If you’ll excuse me now I have to go wash the ET cum off my shoulder it’s starting to melt my eyes and my Trapezius and Deltoid are on fire.”



Tension

January 23, 2010

There’s much tension lately. The injury the boyfriend sustained a while back at work is throwing our lives into a bit of chaos, and the effect it’s having on both of us isn’t pretty. I know he’s in pain, he’s frustrated, scared, aggravated, disappointed and so on. I’m nervous, stressed, pouty and worried.

We’re taking things the wrong way, perceiving things differently than they’re intended. That can make for some tough conversations.

I want him to feel better. I hate seeing him in pain and hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.

I can only pray that surgery is approved, that it goes well and that his road to recovery is smooth and obstacle free. (Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?)