my very personal journey through life
All I wanted was a small favor.
Check the boxes, tape and address them. Make sure they’re safe to ship.
Not all the boxes – maybe 2 or 3.
Just the stuff that would make my Christmas, Christmas.
Apparently that was too much to ask.
Football games, tailgating and drinking are priorities.
Doing something I’m too far to do, something the ex is too blind to do, is just too much.
There’s a lot swirling around.
Plans for the holidays, starting with the one in two weeks, which we now have a new plan for. Ideas about re-doing the kitchen, the living room, getting my stuff, finding a better job.
Change is constant and I am swimming in it.
I’m worried about the present, with the talks we’ve had recently, and at the same time, I feel secure because we’re still planning a future together.
But other things, I can’t see. I can’t see on to a future where I have another business, or a better job. I can’t see beyond the immediate, not for more than a few minutes. Am I so busy living in the here and now that I’ve forgotten the rest?
Could the worries about money and health and so on be preventing me from imagining a better future and striving towards it?
Today, my ex will start his radiation.
The first day, to be followed by six weeks full of weekday trips across the street to the hospital.
I’m worried, but am trying to keep things in check.
I know a few weeks from now, he’ll be wiped out, damaged by the daily treatments. He’ll be weak and tired and pained. I wish I knew a way to let him escape unscathed from the experience, but I don’t.
I have eyes that shift color, depending on my mood. Little ears and a smallish nose.
A big mouth that makes the rest of my face scrunch when I smile.
I’m pale, with the occasional freckle. Scars in numerous places, from dozens of different events and traumas. Some visible, some internal.
I sit here, a pie in the oven, laundry spinning, relaxing; thinking about myself. My soul, my heart, my body, my years, my experiences. It’s another birthday – one more I’ve been lucky to get to. I can whine about how I am getting older, but the reality is, I know a few years ago, I thought it might have been my last. I wasn’t sure I would reach another one. So, I will cherish this day, and celebrate it.
A couple weird days, I haven’t really enjoyed the start of the month. There’s a nice gift from my family and maybe a good birthday ahead.
I want to have a fun day, but I don’t know what will happen.
Probably a quiet one since the boyfriend wants to help send me home for the holidays instead of doing something or buying me a gift. Selfish maybe – while I know I need to go home, I wish I was doing something fun, or expecting a surprise. A big night out, a trip to a strip club, a big or little box to unwrap.
Pippi Longstocking for work and a pirate for later – hopefully this Halloween will be a fun one…
Trick or treat!
Today is a tour of the boyfriend’s work – very cool since they never let the public in.
Tonight is a halloween party and the erotic ball in SLC, if we choose to go.
So early I’ll be nice, and later, I may be naughty..
Given the situation with my ex – I know I shouldn’t say anything. If he and I lived only 10 minutes apart, I’m sure somehow I’d most likely be helping him recover from last week’s surgery.
Still, I’m annoyed.
She can’t remember his birthday, but she remembers his phone number when her sinks back up.
She treated him like crap for their entire marriage and continues to do so since they’re divorced. But he is the fix it guy, he wants to help. I think it’s just that last bad habit to break.
And I’m not really mad. Sunday is his day off, he can do what he wants with it, we weren’t in the middle of anything, there are no plans. I just hate that she has that power.
Today is sweetest day.
To my sweetest:
With you by my side, everything in the world seems sweeter. Good things are better because I share them with you, and then I get to see you smile. Bad things are only half as bad, because I know I can count on you to help me get through them. With you, I know I have someone who gets me, who understands the parts of me that other people don’t even know exist. With you, I have everything anyone could ever want. Someone who’s sexy, thoughtful, fun; someone I happen to love very much; someone who happens to be my best friend.
*Sweetest Day is an observance celebrated primarily in the Great Lakes region and parts of the Northeast United States on the third Saturday in October. Once known as a day to spread love and cheer to the unfortunate, this popular holiday in the northern U.S. is now known as a day to show affection to the loved ones in your life.
I realize it is one of those Hallmark holidays that no one really recognizes. Some people think it’s just a reason to guilt your guy into flowers or a dinner out, or perhaps your gal into that blow job she’s been holding out on. (I hear some girls are like that)
However, it’s a day I choose to celebrate. As a girl, my father brought home chocolate hearts with our names on them. One for each of my siblings and I. Every sweetest day, into my early teens, I woke to one of these waiting for me. I was saddened by the closing of the shop across from my father’s work, as it ended this tradition.
Later, my dad arranged for us to get carnations at school. While lots of kids would have thought this dorky, my friends were jealous and I was touched that he would hijack the program where students sent flowers to one another to make sure we got one.
I haven’t celebrated in a while. Two years ago, sweetest day fell on October 20th, my sister’s wedding day, and it was a nice way to mark the holiday, I even got flowers in a roundabout way.
And so, while it may be silly and frivolous, I will enjoy the day, treat my coworkers to something nice and make sure my sweetest sweetheart knows how much he’s loved and appreciated.
Oh My I’m Naked! via DeviantArt
Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #48? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #50? Submit it here before Sunday October 18th at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.
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Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr
Editor’s Pick
So it does what it’s supposed to do amazingly well.
But it also does other things.
Things like…
Get you off.
Put it on the bed. Straddle it. Turn it on. Grind.
Note: I think Carrie Ann puts it best when she says “Ahhh. The perversion of yet another vanilla massager.” I’m delightedly covetous of this massager both for it’s marketed purpose and the wonderful perverted purpose it seems to fill so brilliantly. Highly amusing and wonderful review as well!
On to the reviews…
Vibrators
Dildos
Anal Toys
Toys for Cocks
Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.
BDSM/Fetish
Adult Books
Adult Movies/Porn
Sex Furniture
Lingerie
Miscellaneous
